I think anxiety can be controlled by a schedule or a routine and easily achievable targets which then can give you a kind of contentment. In this industry you don't really get that cause you never know what is going to happen. I didn't know I was going to play Glastonbury until about 2 months before so I couldn't really work towards it, someone pulled out of one of the stages and so I didn't even know about that particular slot until about a week before. I can set myself targets and try my hardest to achieve them but then what if a tour comes up? That throws you out completely! Timetables are hard too as you work such odd hours and as I've just said you sometimes don't know whats going to come your way until that day! If you read the Keith Richards book he says that when they went to France to record they became completely nocturnal and had absolutely no routine… They obviously were all quite badly addicted to drugs but you see my point about musicians struggling to have a routine!
Anxiety is something i try and keep a lid on. I don't want anyone thinking I have jumped on the 2016 bandwagon of 'I have anxiety quick someone get me a rescue remedy.' You don't know what it is like until you have had an attack. Luckily I don't have them that often but I had a particularly hard one in my tent at Glastonbury ( I realise I have been quite Glasto heavy this blog piece) where I couldn't catch my breath and had to call my dad. The heart break the next morning when I realised I was the girl from Pulp Common People, 'If you call your dad he can stop it all…' was what upset me the most. I am old enough to look after myself and my job is to stand on a stage in front of lots of people thats what I have always dreamed of! Why do I have to be so anxious about it?!
It is not something I am in control over but its not something I am ashamed of either. I just don't really go on about it. Maybe i'll delete this post as soon as I post it… I don't want people thinking they cant ask me how I am doing. I don't really drink alcohol cause it makes it worse that is my main tip! Keep away from things that are going to make you emotionally unstable! I also don't go on about it as I absolutely fucking hate the idea that people will say I am 'just dramatic'! Or worse, 'hormonal'! I have been both of those things in my life but when anxiety hits you, there is no room for any other emotion apart from straight up anxiety!
There are loads of things I can go on about in this post but I won't. I am not Carrie Bradshaw and I would like anyone reading to move on from this and read about other things I have done you might find interesting! (Read about when I met Keith Allen a few pages down!!) But I have anxiety and I try to deal with it! Stage fright is a form of it! Vlogging and blogging can be hard. Social Media as a whole is a struggle cause you automatically compare and that makes you super anxious!!
So lets end of a Joe Strummer quote ' I don't believe in lying back and saying how bad your luck is…."
and finally and most importantly...
'People can do anything they want to'